Lesson #5 –Sow in your wife what you want to reap in your life.
We were wrapping up our Christ Lifeline May 2013 leaders meeting when I informed the team that I planned to write this series on 10 leadership lessons in 10 years. Pastor Gabriel Ajibade immediately said – “Sounds good. I hope one of the lessons will discuss the importance of having a very good and supportive wife like yours?” There were chimes of “yes” and some nods across the room. I took a surreptitious look at my wife and then I asked with a negative tone – what gives us the impression that I have a supportive wife? I could imagine her thinking – “do you mean I am not supportive?” Pastor Gabriel then said reassuringly – “well, I think from all I can see, she has been very supportive.” At this juncture, I had to come into agreement with Pastor Gabriel and also say a few words on how wonderful my wife has been – and still is! When I turned to look at my wife this time, she was beaming with smiles.
Before I got married, a man once told me that woman means “the woe of a man”, but I believe that is one of the greatest lies ever told. Contrary to this man’s statement, I dare say: if thou shall succeed in life and ministry, never underestimate the importance of women, especially thy own. The bible admonishes us in Ephesians 5:28 (CEV) that “a husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself. A husband who loves his wife shows he loves himself.” The reason is simple – in the mind of God, a man is one flesh with his wife. They are so joined together that whatever he does to her, he does to himself directly. Our wives can be likened to the stomach and digestive system in the body; the food you feed it doesn’t remain there but gets broken down and circulated to the entire body. In like manner, whatever you sow in your wife (good or bad) will soon get ‘circulated’ to you. That is why I like The Message translation of Ephesians 5:28 which reads – “And that is how husbands ought to love their wives.They’re really doing themselves a favour—since they’re already “one” in marriage.”
Beloved brothers, we are so connected to our wives such that “whatever we type on their keyboard appears on our own screen”. If we make them unhappy, we end up unhappy. If we make them fulfilled and productive, we end up getting excellent results. Whatever we sow in our wives, we reap in our lives (Galatians 6:7, Ephesians 5:31). Sometimes I think that any man that downplays the importance of having and caring for a good wife is operating at a lower level of intelligence. The devil’s trap is to make us see women as complicated and unimportant as possible, because he knows how pivotal they are to our destiny. I once saw a picture that tried to depict the Manual of Understanding Women – Volume 1 as containing millions of pages. But I see that as the devil’s trap, and believe a ‘one pager’ manual would do for a man that has the mind of Christ. Stop listening to the devil’s description of a woman; follow the Word!
I have heard many men complain that women seek too much attention. Some even ask how I am able to find time for my wife despite my very busy schedule. Well I don’t know the exact estimate of time a woman needs daily, but I know that they begin to feel you are not there for them if they are unable to share that pressing issue on their minds or the latest “gist of the day” because they love to communicate. The conversation may seem to start with complaints, but over time they will glide into sharing ideas. Therefore, giving a regular listening ear and sharing your thoughts (if necessary) about what they have to say with a lot of encouragement where necessary, may be a very key aspect of satisfying their need. I cannot be prescriptive as to what amount of time to share on this but the importance of doing this daily (until it comes naturally) cannot be overemphasized. A man should also strive to meet his wife’s need spiritually, emotionally, sexually and physically, or communicate effectively if (and why) you will be falling short in any aspect for some time.
I’m aware there are many women in leadership positions and I do encourage it, but I’m inspired to focus on men on this write-up. Men should do themselves a favour by providing leadership in the home and bringing out the best in their wives. I have also realised that intelligent wives also avoid provoking their husbands to sow the wrong seeds even when they are angry, because they know that if things don’t augur well for him, it will definitely rub off on them directly or indirectly. As leaders, this is an area where we must daily strive to see that we are not found wanting. 1 Timothy 3:1-2 (MSG) says “If anyone wants to provide leadership in the church, good! But there are preconditions: A leader must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife …”
– Tope S. Aladenusi
Marriage from the Scriptures II
Before we go into this study, I want to put in form of a disclaimer saying, ‘The words I share are not mine’. In fact in the course of this study, I have had to review my own personal stance on some issues. So, just in case you are out there saying, ‘Practice what you preach’ or asking, Can she do that? Remember that it’s God’s instruction and His Word He will honour (Isa 55:11).
TEXT: I Peter 3: 1-6
The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty.
Questions
The writer says here: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs.
What do you think is your spouse’s need?
The needs in the lives of people are different, so it is important to forget how you feel and objectively answer this question. Don’t try to compare your husband with the next man because he is unique.
Please ask yourself the question:
What does my husband need from me?
Do I have what it takes to deliver? What do I need to get in terms of virtue to attain?
You might find out after asking yourself the question about your husband’s need that you lack what is required to deliver, this is why I asked this question. This is the exact situation I found myself. Oh he needs me to be this so he feels like this but how can I? How can I be like this without pretending it not me! Very correct! What is requested of us is not living the life we choose but tapping into the grace of living the life of Christ (Gal. 2:20-21, Isa 53:7).
I have found out that sometimes we have spent too much time dwelling on the shortcomings of our spouses that we become those things without knowing. An example is a woman married to an impatient man who has now become impatient with her husband’s tendencies and snaps back at the slightest provocation. Fire for fire will always lead to wild uncontrolled fire.
This scripture further explains that every husband must be honoured, even those who are not in faith or acting as required. Now this is difficult, how do I do this?
Sister I wish I had all the answers but I don’t, yet I know someone who does: God; and He speaks to us through the Holy Spirit. When we spend time in prayer, submit our will, we will find a way out.
It is interesting how much women go through in terms of appearance to please their husband. Some people may not agree with me on this, but if we spent that much effort on our inside we will yield more result. I have found out that no matter how much a woman goes out of her way to remain pleasing in the sight of her husband, his being faithful is dependent on his commitment to God rather than to his wife. Remember Joseph, How can I do this against God! -was his motivation.
What matters most is not only your outer appearance–the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes– but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.
Am I saying you don’t look good, NO! But much more than look GOOD, BE GOOD! Let your style come from inside out showing first the glory of God!
“The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as ‘my dear husband.’ You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.” I Peter 3: 1-6 MSG
“But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” I Peter 3: 4 KJV
God is interested in our living a life of the Spirit! This life is a life that is actually beyond the flesh and we cannot attain being so entangled with things! We need to get to that place where our beauty and calm countenance is a product of the abundance of what we enjoy on our inside. I have met very few women with this grace in my lifetime. My prayer is to become one too! To exude the fragrance of a quiet spirit!
Sarah our example was a very beautiful woman, yet she was not applauded for it but for her spirit, I can imagine my husband telling me to pretend as his sister. (Gen. 20:1-end). My fictional requirement of a husband will cry out, are you not supposed to be my Knight in the shining armour? Why do I need to protect you now?
But my mama Sarah knew better, she saw herself as one who could shield her husband too! Women have always done it in history, Remember Zipporah! She went ahead of Moses to do the needful. (Exo. 4:24-26). Abigail also went ahead of Nabal to secure her husband’s life and hers. (I Sam. 25:3-42).
WORD FOR THE SINGLES
Do you respect your fiancé or boyfriend? Do you think you can bow to his authority? Do you see virtues in him now that you will forever respect?
Highly Recommended Resources:
http://www.todayschristianwoman.com
http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/
Please keep studying the Word and share lessons learnt as comments. I look forward to hearing from you!
God Bless and keep you!
Much Love!
-Omolola
A lesson from saying ‘I love you’ in advance Bible Reading: Phil 3:13
My wife once told me that I had not said ‘I love you’ to her for some days. So when I got to my office the following day, I picked up my phone, dialed her number and said ‘I love you’ to her for 14 times. Hmn! What’s this all about, she asked. I told her my reason – I do not want to bother saying ‘I love you’ in the next two weeks so I decided to say it in advance. You need to have heard the way she screamed.
It’s the same way you would behave if I told you to take your bath 30 times today so you will not bother doing so in the next 30 days or … to eat 90 square meals today so you would not bother eating for one month. It doesn’t make sense right? But why do we do so when it comes to spiritual matters and the things that have the greatest effect on our lives? Why do we study the word, pray hard and live rightly only in some seasons? If food is to the body what God’s word is to our mind, then you can imagine how sickly and skinny many of us are today. Do you not think it is time we took positive actions about our spiritual growth?
Beloved, in the last 6 months we have discussed on Spiritual Growth. Perhaps you read most of the messages and agreed with them. But please do not stop there. Practice these principles every day. We cannot afford to go to bed any day without having absorbed some ingredients that will facilitate our spiritual growth. Consistency is the key word. Don’t try to do it in advance or make up for it. Always make a conscious effort to grow up spiritually.
I love you and I passionately desire that you continue to grow spiritually.
– tope aladenusi
