How do I get past the pain of the past years? I do not think I can forgive this, this is too much! Can you imagine? She … He…
These are the voices of many people in different forms of relationships today. Everyone has been hurt by someone they thought they could trust. It hurts because we trusted, and got disappointed!
The effect of the rolled over pain and unattended disappointments have left strains in a lot of families.
Many marriages today are very far from their places in destiny because of one disappointment or the other. Spouses are unable to get past the pain of disappointment to healing and fulfillment. How do we get to this place while being led by the Word of God? This is the question I pray this article will answer.
Every relationship thrives on the ability to forgive and forget. Everyone must come to accept forgiving and forgetting as a lifestyle and the key to having fulfilled relationships.
For some time now when I see couples, I keep seeing the wonder of what lies between them. For every couple having a great time together, laughing and working together, there lies forgiving and forgetting. Hurting one another is inevitable where two people are working closely with one another and especially in marriage. A friend used to say,” I can only step on your toes because we are close enough to each other”. Offense is inevitable in any relationship of any kind: the closer the relationship, the greater the possibility of offense. Someone once said there are very few people who can hurt you like your spouse and children. This is the fact of life we must live with. But when there is an offence what do we do? How do we get around it to get to our perfect destination of Peace and Harmony?
So many families are under the captivity of unforgiveness, brothers and sisters in discord because of longstanding sibling rivalry, husband and wife relationships heavily strained because of past offences. And in some cases, the marriage ends in divorce. How do we ensure our relationships do not become part of the statistics?
- Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colours. And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.
- And Joseph dreamed a dream, and he told it his brethren: and they hated him yet the more.
- And he said unto them, Hear, I pray you, this dream which I have dreamed:
- For, behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and, lo, my sheaf arose, and also stood upright; and, behold, your sheaves stood round about, and made obeisance to my sheaf.
- And his brethren said to him, Shalt thou indeed reign over us? Or shalt thou indeed have dominion over us? And they hated him yet the more for his dreams, and for his words.
- And he dreamed yet another dream, and told it his brethren, and said, Behold, I have dreamed a dream more; and, behold, the sun and the moon and the eleven stars made obeisance to me.
- And he told it to his father, and to his brethren: and his father rebuked him, and said unto him, what is this dream that thou hast dreamed? Shall I and thy mother and thy brethren indeed come to bow down ourselves to thee to the earth?
- And his brethren envied him; but his father observed the saying.
- And his brethren went to feed their father’s flock in Shechem.
- And Israel said unto Joseph, Do not thy brethren feed the flock in Shechem? Come, and I will send thee unto them. And he said to him, here am I.
- And he said to him, Go, I pray thee, see whether it be well with thy brethren, and well with the flocks; and bring me word again. So he sent him out of the vale of Hebron, and he came to Shechem.
- And a certain man found him, and, behold, he was wandering in the field: and the man asked him, saying, what seekest thou?
- And he said, I seek my brethren: tell me, I pray thee, where they feed their flocks.
- And the man said, they are departed hence; for I heard them say, let us go to Dothan. And Joseph went after his brethren, and found them in Dothan.
- And when they saw him afar off, even before he came near unto them, they conspired against him to slay him.
- And they said one to another, Behold, this dreamer cometh.
- Come now therefore, and let us slay him, and cast him into some pit, and we will say, some evil beast hath devoured him: and we shall see what will become of his dreams.
- And Reuben heard it, and he delivered him out of their hands; and said, Let us not kill him.
- And Reuben said unto them, Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit that is in the wilderness, and lay no hand upon him; that he might rid him out of their hands, to deliver him to his father again.
- And it came to pass, when Joseph was come unto his brethren, that they stripped Joseph out of his coat, his coat of many colours that was on him;
- And they took him, and cast him into a pit: and the pit was empty, there was no water in it.
- And they sat down to eat bread: and they lifted up their eyes and looked, and, behold, a company of Ishmeelites came from Gilead with their camels bearing spicery and balm and myrrh, going to carry it down to Egypt.
- And Judah said unto his brethren, what profit is it if we slay our brother, and conceal his blood?
- Come, and let us sell him to the Ishmeelites, and let not our hand be upon him; for he is our brother and our flesh. And his brethren were content.
- Then there passed by Midianites merchantmen; and they drew and lifted up Joseph out of the pit, and sold Joseph to the Ishmeelites for twenty pieces of silver: and they brought Joseph into Egypt.
- And Reuben returned unto the pit; and, behold, Joseph was not in the pit; and he rent his clothes.
- And he returned unto his brethren, and said, the child is not; and I, whither shall I go?
- And they took Joseph’s coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood;
- And they sent the coat of manycolours, and they brought it to their father; and said, this have we found: know now whether it be thy son’s coat or no.
- And he knew it, and said, it is my son’s coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces.
- And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.
- And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him.
- And the Midianites sold him into Egypt unto Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh’s, and captain of the guard. (Genesis 37:3-36).
Legally Offended
Just like Joseph I am very sure you have the right to feel offended. Being angry really is not a sin. Scripture confirms it to us in Ephesians 4:26 “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:” Really you have a right to feel offended but how do we ensure that SIN does not take hold of your anger.
Offense always leads to bitterness where not properly taken care of.
We cannot prevent offenses but we have the power to take care of them when they occur. Our Lord
Jesus taught us through the Bible that we should forgive as many times as we are offended.
“Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven. Mat 18:21-22
Just like Joseph, you have every reason to be offended but going further down the passage above, our Lord Jesus told a parable of a servant who refused to forgive little after he had been forgiven so much. Jesus concluded that the servant was WICKED. To refuse to forgive is to act wickedly, unfortunately we do not act wickedly against the person alone but even against ourselves. Nelson Mandela said “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”
Keeping offense takes us off the path of trusting God! When we keep offense we take over, instead of allowing God to defend us.
I hear someone say this lady does not know what she is talking about, I should just forget that I read this. This is the more reason you must forgive.
Why we must forgive
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.(Matthew 6:12)
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14 -15)
I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins. (Isaiah 43:25)
We forgive first for our own sake, for our own healing. When our Lord Jesus Christ was teaching us how to pray He said forgive us just as we forgive others!
We need to forgive just as much as we require forgiveness ourselves. And do not we all need God’s Forgiveness?
We need to forgive because we must get to our place in destiny. I believe Joseph got to destiny because he forgave. He had forgiven his brothers even before his first encounter with them after they sold him off.
The story of Joseph is one that thrills me every time I read or think about it. After reading and meditating on his story I wondered how he was able to forgive his siblings.
He had every right to be bitter against them and even God. He got revelations from God about his future and instead of having things fall in place from then on, his life seemed to go haywire. His own brothers sold him into Slavery, his master’s wife wanted to sleep with him and when he stood his ground in the fear of God, he landed in prison.
At some point I thought he would have just given up on God, but he did not. Rather, he held on to God the more; and little wonder, even in the prison he was interpreting dreams.
We cannot afford to lose hold of our God-given promises because of bitterness. As I write, I sense some people are not just bitter against their spouses, but even their in-laws and this is creeping into the relationship they have with their spouses. I pray that healing will come for every hurting soul.
We are forgiven as much as we forgive ourselves.
Forgiving after a broken heart!
It can be very difficult after a heart has been broken too many times by the same person. I will not just speak scriptures and walk away. Nothing heals the heart more than the Word of God! Yes your heart has been stepped upon without care but you need to take responsibility for your heart.
What do we do about the unrepentant we need to forgive?
How do we forget?
Decide to Forget
Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. (Isaiah 43:18)
You and I have the responsibility of choosing to forget. Choose to let go. You will have flash back of the pains and disappointments but as you decide to forget and act contrary to your feelings of revenge you will get to the place of healing and wholeness.
- And Joseph returned into Egypt, he, and his brethren, and all that went up with him to bury his father, after he had buried his father.
- And when Joseph’s brethren saw that their father was dead, they said, Joseph will peradventure hate us, and will certainly requite us all the evil which we did unto him.
- And they sent a messenger unto Joseph, saying, Thy father did command before he died, saying, So shall ye say unto Joseph, Forgive, I pray thee now, the trespass of thy brethren, and their sin; for they did unto thee evil: and now, we pray thee, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of thy father. And Joseph wept when they spake unto him.
- And his brethren also went and fell down before his face; and they said, Behold, we be thy servants. And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God?
- But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. (Genesis 50:15 -20)
See everything as working together for your good. As much as people act wrongly against us, it does not change God’s plan, it is part of His plan. “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;” (2 Corinthians 4:17). When we face injustice as Christians, we should remember that Jesus Christ suffered much more injustice for our sake. “For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;” (Philippians 1:29)“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28).
Things work together for good only when we are in line with God’s love and purpose. Being in line with God’s love and purpose is to forgive and forget.
Even if it’s personal against you and repeated seven times through the day, and seven times he says, ‘I’m sorry, I won’t do it again,’ forgive him.”(Luke 17:4 –The MSG)
What to do next?
This is the very difficult part. There is no simple answer other than letting the Holy Spirit guide you in all your ways.
Our Lord Jesus promised never to leave us without comfort and He keeps this promise through the Holy Spirit, the Seal of our redemption. The person you need to forgive may not be repentant, and may be your spouse or someone you cannot readily get rid of. Yet you need to keep on holding on to the Word of God and allowing His Spirit to guide you in all your ways. Ensure you have no resentment and be open to God about your feelings. Sometimes we are hurt and heaven knows we are, and we ought to feel hurt. The best part is that we have a High Priest that is moved by our issues. He understands betrayals and hurt more than you think. He can get you through this also.
Pray sincerely telling God exactly how you feel and watch a miracle begin in your heart! He will fill you with so much love than you can ever imagine! You are on your way to healing!
Rules of Engagement for Couples
From experience I have found that it is necessary for couples to set rules for what can and cannot happen in the event of any disagreement. It is interesting that often we assume our marriages will just work out fine, especially for Christians, but today we have found that it takes a deliberate attempt by both partners no matter how Spirit filled to make it work.
Decide as a couple limits of how far you will ever go in the case of a disagreement.
No Physical Abuse, name calling, bringing up the past except that is what the discussion is about. No dragging of third parties into the argument, stick to the matter that needs to be addressed. Respect your partner’s feelings. There is so much that we could share, here is a link you can go to for more information.
http://www.foryourmarriage.org/25-ways-to-fight-fair/
Maybe you are reading this article and your marriage just came out of a terrible storm and the wounds are still fresh, this is good information for you.
To the Forgiven
You know you have done wrong and you have been forgiven, it is not time to forget completely it ever happened. It is time to build back confidence into your partner. Your partner is trying to do the right thing by forgiving you, so you need to make it easy by “bearing fruits worthy of repentance” (Matthew 3:8). Make deliberate efforts with the help of the Holy Spirit to take your family far away from yesterday.
To the Forgiver
Thank God you have taken the road to freedom which is forgiveness. Now, it is time to forget. Forgetting takes deliberate effort not to go back there, for your own sake! Your mind will wander back to the pain, please make deliberate effort to offload your mind of your hurts, do not push them back, bring them up and deal with them. Trust the Holy Spirit to help you do the right things to renew your love. Fill up your being with God’s Word. Nothing heals like God’s Word.
Shalom!
Omolola Ezeifeoma
Great and successful families don’t just happen. I believe we all can live the best of life possible if we can receive and apply the divine wisdom we need every day. Even if we grew up in dysfunctional families, I strongly believe God wants us to change the story. We don’t have to perpetuate dysfunctional ways of living and then die without fulfilling our potentials. A great family is a great possibility.
There’s a reason for every family. And every couple needs to discover the divine purpose for their family. Proverbs 29:18 says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish…” It’s really unwise to start a family (or any enterprise for that matter) without a vision of what it will look like. Whether you’re single or married, I encourage you to capture the vision of God for your family. Without a vision, a man will abuse his wife. Without a vision, a woman will dishonor her husband. A lot of people get married for various reasons. When couples get married for all the wrong reasons, they’re simply asking for disaster! Relationships are generally difficult. How much more the romantic type?
When I was a single man, I came to a point where I really wished I was married. One day, I purposed to fast and pray for three days to seek guidance from the Lord. During the first day of fasting, I picked up the Bible for my daily devotion. Then I came to Proverbs 24:27. It says, “Prepare your outside work, make it fit for yourself in the field; and afterward build your house.” From this verse, the Holy Spirit let me know that I still needed more preparation to do prior to getting married.
I didn’t bother to continue the fast. I thanked the Lord for His guidance and went about making every necessary preparation I knew to make. I studied the Bible and prayed. I read extensively. I had books and tapes all over my bedroom. I attended several seminars designed for singles. I studied the lives of married couples around me. One day, the Lord spoke to me through Matthew 22:8. “The wedding is ready…” That was when I knew I was ready to be married. It was then I got a clear indication of who I was going to marry.
As you read the Bible, pay close attention to every family related issue. Highlight specific verses and meditate on them. Find out why some families are blesses and why some aren’t so blessed. For example, Priscilla and Aquila were mentioned by the Apostle Paul in Romans 16:3-5. He wrote, “Greet Priscilla and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, who risked their own necks for my life, to whom not only I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles. Likewise greet the church that is in their house.” Do a study on couples like this.
Please devote yourself to prayers. Capturing God’s vision for your marriage or family isn’t enough. In fact, it’s a responsibility. You need the help of God to implement what he has shown you. Prayers connect us to God. Prayers enable us to draw power from God to handle our daily affairs. Prayers enable us to move through the challenges of relationships. Prayer will help you find your spouse. Prayer will help you love your spouse and children. While in courtship with then wife-to-be, we invested many hours into fasting and prayers. As a result, God assured me that we’re going to have a great marriage. I began to confess that on a regular basis. Even when all the circumstances were contrary, I always said, “We shall have a great marriage.” That declaration was based on faith in God and what the Word can do in a relationship.
I believe God wants us to build such families that bring Him glory, honour and praise. He will give you a vision for your marriage. He will help strengthen you for all He wants you to do as a father or mother. Study the Word and keep growing as Christ’s follower. All is well in Jesus’ name.
-Pastor Victor Adeola King
I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20
This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
Be in the Spirit and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Galatians 5:16
For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Romans 8:5-6
Today a lot of Christians battle with different question like; how to keep a pre-marital relationship clean? How to keep away from adultery? How to manage a troublesome spouse? etc. The truth is that we rarely hear straight answers to these questions but I believe there is something responsible for every one of these problems.
After I gave my life to Christ, I fell in love with the first scripture listed and it formed my very being. It is not just another faith boosting scripture or a declaration of faith, rather it is the reality of Christian faith that we must experience and live in the understanding of, so that the “I” in this passage of the scriptures refer to you. Today I join my voice with this man of a great God to declare that I have been crucified with Christ.
If indeed we have been crucified with Christ how is it that our flesh still yearns for carnal things. How is it possible that Christ lives in you and at the slightest opportunity you give in to the temptation around you?
If the life we now live is based on faith in God and the work of grace through Christ, why are we battling so much in our relationships? Jesus Christ our greatest example managed every relationship intelligently and we see that even when He was brought before the judges of this world, they found nothing in Him. If we have faith in Him, where are we missing it?
I write today not as one immune from all these but as a fellow who has gone up and down and understands better now. The source of any Christian is his or her relationship with God. When this goes down, all other things go down with it, no matter how much progress you appear to be making while you are far away from God.
Many times we say He has been faithful even though I have been unfaithful. What we fail to understand is that what we call faithfulness of God is really crumbs. So here we are celebrating the fact that we got the crumbs of the toast when we could get the toast itself.
What is the application of this powerful scripture, I have been crucified with Christ, so I do not live anymore, old principles need to be verified against the word of God and confirmed fit. Whatever situation you find yourself, look into the scriptures for answers. Don’t wait for situations to come before you get prepared; get a study Bible, read about the life of this man called Jesus, become familiar with His ways, because this will be your new lifestyle.
I have discovered by experience that my best times in life were those times when my relationship with God was at its peak. I express love to my husband the more when my heart is right with God. Here is another secret, God is Love, before we can love like God wants us to, we must encounter the heart of God. The ordinary man is incapable of loving as described in 1Corinthians 13.
It is disturbing and mind bugging when I see a child of God in an unequally yoked relationship, it tells me that it is either such a person has never been a Christian or has a crisis that requires urgent attention. If you are truly a friend to such a person, it is time to have a heart to heart discussion. And if you are that person it’s time to check yourself and address the issue. Find you way back to the Father’s heart.
Let me ask a question – Can a spirit filled brother or sister be asking for sex before marriage? If the answer is no, why do we hear of Christians being bugged by this phenomenon so much that people come to the conclusion “ no one is real in church anymore, so let’s go outside at least there I know what I am going to get” . Really such conclusions are indications that the so called Christian here is just fishing for a spouse through Christianity. Thank God likes will always find themselves.
Can a spirit filled husband beat up his wife, go without providing for his home, put down his wife at every opportunity and fail to consider his wife’s feelings? or can spirit filled wife nag at the slightest provocation, deny her husband the attention he requires, take out her frustrations on the children, in-laws and everyone around?
The answer is no! The spirit within us will not allow such behaviour, the Bible tells us that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance Galatians 5:22-23.
The Spirit of God in us, empowers us to live the life we have been called to. Bible tells us in Proverbs that counsel in the heart is like deep waters and but a man of understanding will draw it out – Proverbs 20:5.
As Christians we are empowered to have solution for every matter, inside of us are answers as we plug into the Spirit. God has poured out His Spirit on us.
We need to move to the next level where Understanding is the order of the day. Reach deep inside of you.
I love you.
omolola ezeifeoma
Something that worked before in your relationship, can fail when tried another time
Have you ever tried practicing something you read from a book in your relationship and it worked, and then you tried the same thing another time and it flops?
Relationships are very dynamic in nature, because it involves two people who are constantly changing too. Sometimes the change is positive and sometimes negative, so we need to depend on the Holy Spirit on a per second basis.
Every relationship is constantly evolving.
Change is constant, just as your partner is changing for better or worse, so are you. Sometimes while you are thinking your partner is the problem, you actually are the problem. Our relationship takes a different dimension every time we go through some change of any sort. Jesus Christ tells us about taking care of the log in our own eyes first. Once you have a log in your eyes, your vision will be blurred and you’ll misinterpret situations. Keep working on becoming a better you and rub it off on your partner, then your relationship will evolve for the better. A better you will handle changes better.
Your relationship will become what you want after you have given it time to grow.
Many people especially women believe in the happily ever after story and so after the wedding they look forward to an unending honeymoon. Please don’t get me wrong I believe in the honeymoon lasting forever concept but before then there’s a price to pay.
The Honeymoon experience is one that everyone must have and like I say to my friends you must try to bring some stars back from the moon. After the honeymoon period is over and life is returning to normal gradually (not like it would ever be normal again), you begin to see that your marriage is not perfect, reality begins to set in.
You need to always remember that your relationship with your partner will eventually become what you want it to be, after you have sown seeds and given it time to grow.
Nobody knows you and your spouse more than the one who created you two in the first place. Only God can tell what your partner’s line of thought and reasoning is, therefore only Him can give adequate direction on what to do per time. God is even able to tell you your partner’s expectations so you can step up to meet them if you don’t allow flesh get in your way.
Therefore only the Father himself can guide you through His Spirit on how to apply all you have learnt. Sometimes information come tailor made for you and sometimes customization is required from your part when applying knowledge. Whatever the case may be, trust the Lord to lead you through His Spirit to apply knowledge.
Finally my brethren.. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all you ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
Counsel in the heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. Proverb 20:5
Love,
omolola ezeifeoma
Have you ever been in a situation where you are driving on what you call your sure lane (because over time you have used it and it has always worked) only to discover that taking your sure lane was a terrible mistake. For one reason or the other it just was not your day.
Or have you ever bought a one size fits all shirt only to find out you are an exception to the rule.
If you have been in any of these kinds of situations, I say welcome on board.
We live in a time when people are hungry for knowledge more than ever before. People are seeking knowledge from books, conferences, seminars etc. This is a great development I am really excited and happy about. I see young people in relationships (marriage or courtship), going for counseling programs, seminars and reading books together, in the bid to make their relationship work.
After getting all the information, we want to apply them in our marriage or relationship, but for some reasons we find out that this laws are not working for us. Is it that God’s word is not true anymore or the principles learnt don’t work?
Life has thought me that these principles work but they have to be applied uniquely.
Have you ever been in a Mathematics class where your teacher teaches you a topic and it seemed so simple then only to try applying the principles to the assignment given to you and find out the steps followed are not working anymore. I used to have that problem until God gave me a supernatural break through His word.
Let’s start by sharing the Basics you must know about every type of relationship before applying any counsel.
- Every Relationship involves two unique individuals
- Application of every rule or law guiding relationships, is unique
- Something that worked before in your relationship can fail when tried another time
- Every relationship is constantly evolving.
- Your relationship will become what you want after you have given it time to grow.
Every Relationship involves two unique individuals
Our thumb prints prove the fact that every human being is unique, unique in style, perceptions, reasoning, thinking etc. So also is every relationship because it involves two unique individuals too. No two weddings or families are the same in anyway. Appreciate the uniqueness of your partner and take time out to study it.
Application of every rule or law guiding relationships, is unique
Don’t expect that doing the same thing another person did in your own relationship will bring about same result, no matter how widely accepted and Bible based such rule is. Things always work differently in every relationship. Take for example the two fundamental facts about the place Love and Submission in a relationship.
The husband needs to Love the wife and the wife needs to Submit. Nevertheless Love and submission will not have same approach in two relationships. What a woman in a relationship with a liberal man will have to do to be regarded as submissive will be entirely different when compared to a relationship with a traditional African man. So also the way love is expressed by a westernized man is entirely different from a typical African man.
You cannot say he does not love me because he does not do this and this and that, you need to first check out the person involved and capabilities. As basic as some things may be, they are strange to some others. Our backgrounds are different.
Sometime we even assume too much about our partners.
My prayer is that this few words will mark the beginning of healing in as many relationships as need to be healed.
See you next week for more on this very interesting topic that touches my heart.
Love
Omolola
| Living Beyond and Above the Sex Trap
This I say then, Walk in the Spirit and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the Flesh. The Flesh lusteth against the Spirit and the Spirit against the Flesh: and these are contrary the one the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. But if ye are led by the Spirit, ye are not under the law. Galatians 5:16-18
The end of all our struggles will come when we walk in the Spirit. Walking in the Spirit all the time will not only place us not above our sexual struggles alone but all our struggles.
Christ did not leave us without help, He left us with the Holy Spirit, the comforter to guide, teach and even reveal the person of Jesus to us. John14:18-26 We will become the perfect person we want to be if we decide to walk in the Spirit always. We will have the perfect relationship we want when both parties in a relationship (of any kind) decide to walk in the Spirit all the time.
Easy to say but how do I get to practice it? First you need to build a relationship with the God, that’s when you will be able to tell when the Spirit is speaking. Just the way you are able to identify your mum’s voice because of time spent together over time, you will be able to tell when the Spirit is speaking. The more time we spend with God the better we get.
And how do you build a relationship with God? Firstly, accept the death and resurrection of Jesus as the sacrifice for your sins and the only way to your salvation; Believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord. Desire to have a relationship with God and continuously follow Him Read the Bible and Pray Regularly. Surround yourself with the right set of people who share your passion for God. Identify good teachers of God’s word and listen to them. It is very important to feed our mind fat with God’s Word, so that out of the abundance of the word in your mind you are led. You need to be able to say personally, ‘Your word have I hid in my heart that I may not sin against thee’.
Become a Living Sacrifice! A Living Sacrifice is like a live goat tied to the place of sacrifice and set on fire, it feels the pain and the heat of the fire, yet it cannot leave the spot because it has been tied to the place. And when you bring more fire close to it, it has little or no effect on it because it already is on fire.
I believe this is a good place to start from as we begin the New Year. My prayer this year for you and myself is that we all become Living Sacrifices hot and burning for the Lord Jesus.
Have a Great Year ahead!
Omolola |
Living Above the Sex Trap
Now that we have accepted the fact that we all share same challenges and our challenges are tied to our past decisions.
What is the way forward? How do we get out of here? How do we live above this challenge?
Sometime ago I tried to personally answer these questions. While meditating on how best to tackle the issue God took me to a level of understanding of what it means for me to have sex outside the confines of marriage. This understanding led me to experience a level of self realization that led to a turn around. I believe we all need a level of self realization that comes from this understanding. Remember Bible says by understanding a house is established.
Long time ago there were several prophecies, some of the prophecies were that David would never lack a son on the throne, there would be a seed of David ……., a virgin shall be with child.
At a point in time in life there was a girl who decided to keep herself chaste and when the time was right chose to marry a young man named Joseph who belonged to the lineage of David. Her choice to remain chaste before and after she met Joseph positioned both of them in God’s plan and purpose for Eternity. It qualified her to be the channel through which the saviour would come. Imagine if it happened that for some reason before she met Joseph she made a mistake by giving in to the charm of some guy she had met when she was young and foolish (as we often describe it). What would have been the effect of her action on her life and even Joseph’s? Would they have ever known the joy of being the saviour’s earthly parent? Would their story be told every Christmas? To think that Mary’s action before ever meeting Joseph could have an effect on Joseph’s future is something that makes me shiver and brings me to think about what effect the life I lived before meeting my husband is having on him now.
Another thing I find interesting is that Mary in her wildest imagination did not think she was keeping herself to be the Mother of Jesus. All she wanted to do was keep herself for the Master.
The understanding that my five minutes of pleasure can change the story of my life and others, helped me a lot. What about you? Do you realize that your decision to keep yourself from any sexual immorality, positions you for God’s purpose for your life and could also rewrite the story of your life and that of others?
There was this widower in the Bible who had not lost his wife for too long. He missed the company and warmth of his wife. Mourning was over; it was time for life to continue. He was on a business trip to a neighbouring town when he met this harlot along the way. His desire for a woman was renewed. He did not have money to pay as he was on his way for business, so he promised to send a kid goat. She was not going to be fooled as she was not there without a purpose, so she asked for his Rod (his work tool), bracelet, Signet (his symbol of authority). This man dropped all these before a stranger in order to satisfy his flesh. He dropped his identity. Like Esau, he exaggerated his press for sex and in his heart said it was worth dropping all for. He enjoyed himself, only to discover later that what he fell into was a trap. A trap set because his daughter in-law who knew his tendencies, just the way the devil knows ours. Months later his acts that were done secretly were exposed.
When I first read this story I asked myself, is sex worth this much? Do we need to lay who we are down for sex? Judah was later identified by the things he dropped. He paid much more later because of the shame that followed his act.
For a full gist of the story you can read Genesis 38.
Christ finished the work of Salvation on the cross, His last word before giving up the ghost was “it is finished!” Therefore we can say God has completed all that concerns our survival in the Christian race.
In Joshua1:8 God told Joshua (and He tells us today), this book shall not depart from thy mouth, you will meditate on it day and night and you will observe to do all that is in it… and you shall make your way prosperous…..
From this passage we can see God telling us that prosperity depends on us in this passage.
In one of the comments, a reader quoted the words of David in Psalm 119 “Thy word have I hidden in my heart that I may not sin against thee”. Truly this is a good scripture to remember always but this words need to become our words too. We need to feed our minds fat with God’s word.
An underlying fact we must always bear in mind even while taking responsibility is that it not by power or might, but by His spirit. There is grace to live above sin first and not just grace to rise up from sin.
God help us all as we decide to remain standing despite all odds. And as the festive season approaches, remember to walk in the Spirit so that you don’t fulfill the desires of the flesh.
God bless you,
Omolola
Once upon a long time, man did not need to worry about being naked or not, he was innocent, without the knowledge of good or evil until he ate the fruit and his innocence was gone. Today we fight to live beyond the consequence of an act that took place several ages before we came.
This week we will look at one battle, peculiar to all at one time or the other, be it before or after marriage.
Sometime ago I was reading an article about a woman struggling to remain chaste for God. I was glad someone could open up about her struggles unlike many of us who keep quiet, while dying in silence and carry the image of a saint about until God in His mercy delivers us. If God opens our eyes to see the challenge many of us Christians face in our sexual life we would be surprised. Surprised to find out first that you are not alone, secondly that such issues can exist in the life of a Christian.
I was at a meeting years back where a married man confessed to having flash backs of past relationships (premarital ones I mean) while he was with his wife.
Today the challenges have increased; the devil has strategically positioned himself and even positioned us too for attack. Everything around us is trying to preach sex. The music, the dance steps, the films, the billboards, the girl or boy next door, the clothes in the market place, the internet etc all preaching one message, the devils message Sexuality!
- How did we get here?
- How do we get out?
- How can we live above these challenges?
I have found out that Christians in relationships (whether pre-marital or marital) are often more susceptible to sexual sins.
There is a need for us to reposition ourselves for this great challenge. Could there be something we are not doing right? How can we help one another? Many have made a mistake of saying scripture says if you are pressed get married but sincere people know it does not go away. It only comes back in another more complicated form called Adultery!
Just as I was writing this a scripture comes to mind, confess your faults one to another and pray for one another that you may be healed (James 5:16 KJV). This is a very powerful scripture that we do not practice and I really don’t blame us because of the quality of Christians around, I must tell you I have practiced this scripture and it works.
Christians in pre-marital or marital relationship should be able to confess this part of their lives with one another prayerfully with the mind of helping each other to remain pure.
I am a strong believer in the word of God being able to save us from all life’s issues. Bible tells us we will grow after we have tasted of God’s grace (1Peter 2:2-3).
Here are some scripture that have renewed my mind in this regards.
The right attitude
‘Love the Lord thy God with all your heart, all you soul and all your mind ’ (Matt 22:37).
The way to live Clean
How shall a young person live a clean life? By carefully reading the map of your word. Ps119:9 (MSG)
Grace to Live above sin
‘….where sin abounded, grace did much more abound’ Rom 5:20
“Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?” Rom6:1b
Some years ago, someone made an illustration relating sex to fire, that I will never forget, let me share what she said with you. She said sex within marriage is like lighting a stove with fire and then sex outside legal marriage is like throwing a lighted match stick into a keg of Petrol. Are you starting a wild fire?
God has put in so much for our restoration; we need to tap into these resources at our disposal everyday to remain above.
My prayer this week is that we will start a journey that will transform the life of our readers.
Love God!
– omolola ezeifeoma
When I was pregnant with my first baby I subscribed to a pregnancy newsletter, one of the newsletters encouraged that its never to late to start eating right and in fact you can always start all over again – don’t give up. This helped a lot.
And this is the word for someone reading this article today. Have you made some silly mistakes in the past and you’re wondering if you can ever make up for them? Are you so afraid of making a mistake that you have refused to take steps? Is the fear of making a mistake causing you mess things up? God is talking to you today.
God makes ALL things work together for the good of people that are working towards fulfilling His purpose Romans8:28. Unlike men who look at outward acts, God searches the heart for the sincerity of purpose – I Samuel 16:7. I have made mistakes in handling my marriage from time to time but my mistakes have made me wiser. The mistakes made me wiser because of my attitude towards them. Every time I reflect on my marriage I decide to do better and sometimes start all over again.
There is no marriage counselor with a formula that works for every marriage, but God has given us Jesus as the Way to Life John 14:6-7. Jesus has left us with the Holy Spirit too, who will guide us into all truth and keep us from falling away, teaching us how to pray when we face terrible situations, revealing the truth of the word to us, telling us how to react to different situations John14:16-18.
I wish I could give a super formula that takes care of every issue in relationships but the truth it there is no other way than the one who was, who is and is to come.
God wants to walk with us through the valleys and the mountains. He knows the way; He alone has been through it before. Even if you have made a mistake before, go back and try again. Imagine if you refused to try walking again because you fell during your first attempt, you’ll never have known the joy of walking and running which you know today. Take your strides again. Rise up and try again. Keep Trying.
Good words to Remember –
- I’ve learned . . . that being kind is more important than being right.
- I’ve learned . . . that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
- I’ve learned . . . that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow you may have to eat them.
- I’ve learned . . . that I can’t choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do.
Have a Blessed Week!
– omolola ezeifeoma
| In recent times God has blessed me with the opportunity of nurturing a child. I have been opportune to watch him grow from one stage to another. As I watch him transform before my eyes, I learn truths about life.
These truths have changed my perspective to life; they have helped me become a better person in recent times.
I have learnt…. I have learnt my marriage will not achieve some expected milestones at same time with others but we will eventually get there. I have learnt that, it’s not about the rate of growth but the quality of growth. I have learnt that the rating of the health of a marriage is not superficial. I have learnt that the more time I give to my marriage/relationship the better the quality. Every stage is but for a moment, enjoy it while it last. For every stage in life there is a challenge which will help you achieve a milestone. Each Milestone achieved will be useful in the next stage to come. God will not give you anything just because you want them but because you need them.
My Resolve I have decided to see my relationship with my husband as a child I am nurturing. I have decided to see our high and low moments as precious moments to be relished because once that moment is gone, it might never come back like that again.
Childhood is a period of life that comes with lots of privileges, pampering and all. Adulthood takes away a lot of privileges, pampering and replaces them with responsibilities, it demands the use of skills gathered along the way. Every stage in life is temporal, it is a moment that will pass, be careful how you handle it.
Interesting statements about marriage I’ve learnt to overlook many things, correct as many as I can, and fix what is left myself.
– omolola ezeifeoma |