Something that worked before in your relationship, can fail when tried another time
Have you ever tried practicing something you read from a book in your relationship and it worked, and then you tried the same thing another time and it flops?
Relationships are very dynamic in nature, because it involves two people who are constantly changing too. Sometimes the change is positive and sometimes negative, so we need to depend on the Holy Spirit on a per second basis.
Every relationship is constantly evolving.
Change is constant, just as your partner is changing for better or worse, so are you. Sometimes while you are thinking your partner is the problem, you actually are the problem. Our relationship takes a different dimension every time we go through some change of any sort. Jesus Christ tells us about taking care of the log in our own eyes first. Once you have a log in your eyes, your vision will be blurred and you’ll misinterpret situations. Keep working on becoming a better you and rub it off on your partner, then your relationship will evolve for the better. A better you will handle changes better.
Your relationship will become what you want after you have given it time to grow.
Many people especially women believe in the happily ever after story and so after the wedding they look forward to an unending honeymoon. Please don’t get me wrong I believe in the honeymoon lasting forever concept but before then there’s a price to pay.
The Honeymoon experience is one that everyone must have and like I say to my friends you must try to bring some stars back from the moon. After the honeymoon period is over and life is returning to normal gradually (not like it would ever be normal again), you begin to see that your marriage is not perfect, reality begins to set in.
You need to always remember that your relationship with your partner will eventually become what you want it to be, after you have sown seeds and given it time to grow.
Nobody knows you and your spouse more than the one who created you two in the first place. Only God can tell what your partner’s line of thought and reasoning is, therefore only Him can give adequate direction on what to do per time. God is even able to tell you your partner’s expectations so you can step up to meet them if you don’t allow flesh get in your way.
Therefore only the Father himself can guide you through His Spirit on how to apply all you have learnt. Sometimes information come tailor made for you and sometimes customization is required from your part when applying knowledge. Whatever the case may be, trust the Lord to lead you through His Spirit to apply knowledge.
Finally my brethren.. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all you ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
Counsel in the heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. Proverb 20:5
Love,
omolola ezeifeoma
Have you ever been in a situation where you are driving on what you call your sure lane (because over time you have used it and it has always worked) only to discover that taking your sure lane was a terrible mistake. For one reason or the other it just was not your day.
Or have you ever bought a one size fits all shirt only to find out you are an exception to the rule.
If you have been in any of these kinds of situations, I say welcome on board.
We live in a time when people are hungry for knowledge more than ever before. People are seeking knowledge from books, conferences, seminars etc. This is a great development I am really excited and happy about. I see young people in relationships (marriage or courtship), going for counseling programs, seminars and reading books together, in the bid to make their relationship work.
After getting all the information, we want to apply them in our marriage or relationship, but for some reasons we find out that this laws are not working for us. Is it that God’s word is not true anymore or the principles learnt don’t work?
Life has thought me that these principles work but they have to be applied uniquely.
Have you ever been in a Mathematics class where your teacher teaches you a topic and it seemed so simple then only to try applying the principles to the assignment given to you and find out the steps followed are not working anymore. I used to have that problem until God gave me a supernatural break through His word.
Let’s start by sharing the Basics you must know about every type of relationship before applying any counsel.
- Every Relationship involves two unique individuals
- Application of every rule or law guiding relationships, is unique
- Something that worked before in your relationship can fail when tried another time
- Every relationship is constantly evolving.
- Your relationship will become what you want after you have given it time to grow.
Every Relationship involves two unique individuals
Our thumb prints prove the fact that every human being is unique, unique in style, perceptions, reasoning, thinking etc. So also is every relationship because it involves two unique individuals too. No two weddings or families are the same in anyway. Appreciate the uniqueness of your partner and take time out to study it.
Application of every rule or law guiding relationships, is unique
Don’t expect that doing the same thing another person did in your own relationship will bring about same result, no matter how widely accepted and Bible based such rule is. Things always work differently in every relationship. Take for example the two fundamental facts about the place Love and Submission in a relationship.
The husband needs to Love the wife and the wife needs to Submit. Nevertheless Love and submission will not have same approach in two relationships. What a woman in a relationship with a liberal man will have to do to be regarded as submissive will be entirely different when compared to a relationship with a traditional African man. So also the way love is expressed by a westernized man is entirely different from a typical African man.
You cannot say he does not love me because he does not do this and this and that, you need to first check out the person involved and capabilities. As basic as some things may be, they are strange to some others. Our backgrounds are different.
Sometime we even assume too much about our partners.
My prayer is that this few words will mark the beginning of healing in as many relationships as need to be healed.
See you next week for more on this very interesting topic that touches my heart.
Love
Omolola
It’s Time to Experience God in the miraculous
By the mouth of Elijah, God declared a draught in Israel, yet Elijah was not to be excluded from experiencing the effect of the draught; nevertheless, there was provision for him to see with his eyes the dryness and experience God as Jehovah Jireh.
The first miracle – God tells him to go to the brook, a raven will feed you with bread, flesh and water. An outside person may say he is eating little but considering the situation, he had enough to meet his need.
Sometimes when things are tough all we have is just enough to meet our need. The fact that we have just enough to meet our need does not mean we are not living in the miraculous.
Sometimes we need to step back again and look at our situation from another perspective in order to see His hand. Many times our eyes are too clouded with the problems so much that we fail to see God in our situations.
Let’s take another look at Elijah’s experience, when it was a time for a new experience the brook dried up and God told him to go to a widow, another unlikely source of provision. There he knew abundance much more than he did earlier. God even created an avenue to prove Himself as the almighty.
Sometimes when things get tough, God is setting you up for the miraculous. Imagine you got pregnant the first night or first few months of your marriage, your experience could never be called miraculous. Now think about Hannah! Can you see the difference? Or imagine you never had any financial constraints and your family is growing material wise in leaps and bounds; now imagine you moved into an empty house after marriage and the next day or months that follows, the house is filled to overflowing. Can you imagine what Job and his wife went through when they lost all in one day?
And then God turned around all their losses for good, can you imagine the joy that followed?
Malachi 3:3 says: “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.” Like the silver smith God is holding you in the fire, not taking His eyes off you for one minute, waiting until He can see his image in your life and relationship.
Whatever they’re going through, they’ll be a better person in the end.
Hold on, surely morning will come after the Night.
– omolola ezeifeoma
Sometimes in marriage things get so bad that it seems you have lost control of your life. Things are just happening around you and you have lost track of time. Two weeks back you were planning for Christmas and all of a sudden some events take place and the last thing on your mind now is Christmas.
Let’s meet Ken. Ken got married to the love of his life after so many objections from both his parents and her parent. Neither set of parents thought the other was good enough for their child. Things take a new turn in his life after his wife got pregnant and lost about three pregnancies in quick successions. And soon after he had a minor problem with his fertility. The doctor convinced them it would only take a few months to rectify things if medications are adhered to. Months rolled by yet the story remained the same.
Mary his wife was under pressure from family and friends, every time she fell sick they began to ask questions. The pressure from her mother in-law kept building up by the day. She was confused, she could not tell anyone what the real problem was. Whenever she wanted to, she remembered she had to cover her husband.
As time passed by, the situation began to take its toll on both husband and wife, the once sweet relationship started going sour. The pressure kept building from both families. The pressure on Mary was getting unbearable for her; she now nags and gets touchy easily. She vents her frustrations at work, at home and the once sweet babe is turning into an unbearable babe. Even the charming smile Ken used to have is fast disappearing! The situation is getting out of control …
Sometimes things get really tough in a marriage! You wonder how things got so bad. You go through your wedding pictures again and again, you tell yourself it was not meant to be like this. This is never like I envisaged it would be.
I have learnt that the issues in marriage never come in expected shades. When these things happen, the last thing we need to do is panic and get soaked up in worries. The last time we said it was time to learn, today we say it is time to pray also!
In my entire walk in the Christian race nothing ever made me realize that prayer is the Master Key, like marriage. After I got married I learnt to pray more and talk less. Often times there’s nothing much we can do than to pray especially speaking from the female perspective. Prayers said in faith can change any situation no matter how difficult. God is a Faithful God who will always honour His Word.
He said ‘If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray, and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways; then I will hear from heaven, and will give their sin, and will heal their land’
The restoration of Ken’s fertility is something out of control of both husband and wife, but there was something they could both have done. They could have prayed in faith to get out of the situation.
Praying might not instantly restore his fertility but it would:
- keep hope alive and hope will help them keep their joy
- heal their broken hearts
- help in building their faith together in Christ
- keep them from giving in to distractions
- Provide an avenue for them to share their burdens with one another
- Help them to discover God in a new Light together and stabilise them in their Christian Race
We need to always pray and not faint like the scripture says. As we remain in constant communication with heaven, we will receive instructions as to what steps to take. Keep in touch with heaven concerning your situation. He will come and save you in His time when all things will be Beautiful. As you continually pray, search the scripture for His promises concerning you and hang on to them.
Love
omolola ezeifeoma
A Time to learn
Lara after her service year to her nation got a job with a high profile organization like she always dreamed. She met Tom a banker during her service year. Both of them were, Christians who loved the Lord. After going steady for some years, they got married, and a few months after marriage Lara became pregnant.
Upon discovery of the pregnancy, Lara was happy and sad; happy that she was going to have a baby and sad that she would be relieved of her job because of her company’s policy. She really needed the job; things were not going too well in Tom’s bank in recent times. This was just the beginning. Things really got worse overtime. Just as Lara expected, she was relieved of her job. And things continued to get worse at Tom’s bank. The psychological and physical changes taking place in Lara did not help matters. Neither did the financial needs because of the baby on the way and increasing hospital bills due to the rough pregnancy Lara was having.
Lara and Tom started growing apart; they were both under so much pressure. All Lara’s dreams about how her first pregnancy will go were trillions of miles away. Tom wasn’t the caring and loving guy anymore. He was under pressure himself, the salary was not regular anymore, and he did not like the fact that he couldn’t meet Lara’s needs. His spiritual life was not in good shape too. The burden was heavy on him. And all this was just the beginning of their troubles…
Sometimes in marriage things get really tough, tougher than you ever dreamed even if you expected things to get tough sometimes. Even when you are expecting the storms, they don’t come in the way you expect. What do you do when these times come? How do you escape the noise and scare of the storm to remain focused? How do you manage the building challenges when the Honeymoon seems over?
How do you keep your dream of a model marriage alive? How do you stand by your spouse when you seem not to have any strength of your own?
When times like this come, its time to take your notes out and take down some lessons! Someone reading this will be wondering what I’m talking about.
Well I am still here, and did not forget what the story is about. This is a hard truth I had to come to terms with myself. I’ve come to learn that the Word of God remains true no matter how we feel. God’s word is constant regardless of the situation we might face. David the Psalmist saw this and said, Forever Oh Lord your WORD is SETTLED!
The Bible tells us that Our Light affliction is but for a moment working in us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory (2Cor 4:17).
First thing is never to exaggerate our troubles, rather see them as little issues that will pass. Most times we do not knowingly magnify our problems. When we meditate on our problem without a mind of seeking solution, things get worse. Remember we have a foe that must never be undermined, he lurks around the corner waiting for times like these to display the weakness of our spouses and remind us of the several options we had before marriage.
When things get tough, there’s only one place we need to remain, at the master’s feet and around the children of God to tap strength from others.
God wants to do some great things in our marriages this year but he needs to toughen us.
So get ready get your notes out. You might be going through hard times now, crying, too weak to pray and saying when will these end. It sure will end sometime soon but you need to hang in there first.
It’s a great year ahead, get ready!
Love,
omolola ezeifeoma
| Christians and the Sex Trap
….A man is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust and enticed. James 1:14 How did we get here? Every time a person falls without taking a second look to find out why he/she falls, there is a risk of having the same fall happen again. Why? Because he/she never knew why he fell and does not know what to look out for to avoid a second fall. This is why I want us to answer this question first, How did we get here? How did we get into a situation where our flesh seeks the most to do those things that our spirit hates? It’s time we forgot for a second the story about Adam and Eve, and how man fell and sin was passed to all men. If we have been accepted Jesus as our saviour then we can claim to be new creature, for whom old things have passed away and all things have become new. If so how come we that have been born of incorruptible seed have corruptible tendencies? Let’s do some reasoning together and draw the picture of an average believer.
Lets call this believer Billy; Billy loved to read as a child and read a lot of books while growing up, from various authors ranging from Enid Blyton’s classics, Pacesetters, Hardley Chase, Harlequin, Mills and Booms, Jackie Collins, Harold Robins, Sydney Sheldon, Dennis Robins, Barbra Taylor and the likes. When it came to music, Billy listened to and sang every genre of music uncensored, from various artists like Boys II Men, R Kelly, Tupac, Aerosmith, Eric Clapton, Janet Jackson, Maria Carey, Toni Braxton, Madonna, Aron Hall, Withney Houston, Bob Marley, etc Billy watched enough movies without proper guidance; Billy saw it all on TV, kissing, smooching, sex and all. At school Billy talked and fantasized about sex with friends who were either practicing with their housemaids or neighbours, or dreaming about it. The neighbourhood also exposed Billy to adults who abused Billy.
All these formed Billy’s attitude toward sex. Then came Billy’s first relationship which lasted for years. Soon Billy began experimenting, and soon it became a way of having fun for Billy.
Then something happened and Billy accepted Christ. Billy became a new creature but did not suffer a memory loss. A major source of problem with staying in faith for Billy was the knowledge acquired years before knowing Christ. Billy’s mind had been well cultivated in those years by the media, Billy’s environment and experiences.
This is a brief summary of Billy’s life. Any sincere person reading this piece will agree with me that Billy paints the picture an average Christian’s life. A major issue everyone of us had (or still have) after giving our lives to Christ was the life we lived before knowing him. For me I lived in the nightmare of the life I lived before knowing Christ. Not that my life before knowing Christ was as colourful as Billy’s but my life before knowing Christ disturbed my prayer life, worship and thought process. For me I had to stop reading any literature that was not Bible based, (I even avoided Christian Romance) and listening to the radio so as to avoid anything not godly going inside of me.
Bible says don’t conform to the world but be transformed by the renewing your mind. My beloved in the Lord you will agree with me that the situation we have today is this;
And then expect to live a holy life because we are new creatures.
We did not suffer a memory loss, the pleasure of sex outside and inside Christ is the same, the only difference is that now you are in Christ you have a conscience that gives you a guilty feeling after. Jesus Christ said, the things that defile a man are not the things that go into a man but the things that come out of a man. Why? Because you can decide to make something positive or negative of what goes into you. We have taken in all the multi media jargons and it has produced fruits of ungodliness, so much that now we are in Christ we are still who we were before knowing Christ, the only difference is that we feel guilty after and ask for forgiveness.
Imagine if Billy became born again after he was 20, almost ripe for marriage, so some years after conversion Billy takes on the first relationship without this renewal of mind the Bible requires of us, what do you think will happen? You can be sure that Billy might not know the first thing two children of God in a relationship should be doing. And some Christians in church will meet Billy (burning and active for the Lord because of the fresh fire) and would be taken to her. From there a relationship begins.
So based on all this assumption a relationship begins, by the time either of them know what is happening, the quality of their foundation is revealed.
After giving our lives to Christ we need a complete overhauling. Someone reading this might say yes, but this happens over time, I do agree with that, nevertheless I believe a level of renewal of mind must take place. Roman12:1-3 says I beseech you therefore brethren by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto the God, which is your reasonable service. And be not be conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
The things we have consumed in form of books, videos, music, words before knowing Christ have formed our philosophies and made us who we were before Christ. So we did not get here just because man fell in the garden, we got here by virtue of the decisions we made before knowing Christ. We need to take some responsibility. And now we need to begin to prepare again the soil of our heart for God. Go back to the word of God for direction. Remember How shall a young person live a clean life? By carefully reading the map of your word. Ps119:9 (MSG)
For some others this is not the story, it is that they have lived so much of a holy life that they don’t know what it feels like, what they carry is their curiosity, without any knowledge they fall victims at a time when they let down their guard. Remember He that breaks the edge, the serpent bites.
Bible says let no man thinks he stands lest he falls, this is one rule everyone must appreciate. No one has immunity from falling a victim, so even now I don’t see myself as attained. I do not speak because I am an authority, I speak because I am one who shares in this struggle. Some married person reading this might regard all this as information for the single but I say no it is not, that is why I referred to the scripture, Let no man think He stands. A married man/woman is more exposed than the single, times come when for some reasons spouses cannot come together sexually because either of the two is indisposed for one reason or the other. Then other party needs to go back to all the lessons he/she learnt as a single and then it usually becomes a little more difficult. No matter you status, No one is beyond being tempted sexually.
How then shall we escape?
Please your Comments will be well appreciated and stories of how you’ve been able to stay above will be well appreciated. You might be saving a soul.
See you soon. Omolola |
When I was pregnant with my first baby I subscribed to a pregnancy newsletter, one of the newsletters encouraged that its never to late to start eating right and in fact you can always start all over again – don’t give up. This helped a lot.
And this is the word for someone reading this article today. Have you made some silly mistakes in the past and you’re wondering if you can ever make up for them? Are you so afraid of making a mistake that you have refused to take steps? Is the fear of making a mistake causing you mess things up? God is talking to you today.
God makes ALL things work together for the good of people that are working towards fulfilling His purpose Romans8:28. Unlike men who look at outward acts, God searches the heart for the sincerity of purpose – I Samuel 16:7. I have made mistakes in handling my marriage from time to time but my mistakes have made me wiser. The mistakes made me wiser because of my attitude towards them. Every time I reflect on my marriage I decide to do better and sometimes start all over again.
There is no marriage counselor with a formula that works for every marriage, but God has given us Jesus as the Way to Life John 14:6-7. Jesus has left us with the Holy Spirit too, who will guide us into all truth and keep us from falling away, teaching us how to pray when we face terrible situations, revealing the truth of the word to us, telling us how to react to different situations John14:16-18.
I wish I could give a super formula that takes care of every issue in relationships but the truth it there is no other way than the one who was, who is and is to come.
God wants to walk with us through the valleys and the mountains. He knows the way; He alone has been through it before. Even if you have made a mistake before, go back and try again. Imagine if you refused to try walking again because you fell during your first attempt, you’ll never have known the joy of walking and running which you know today. Take your strides again. Rise up and try again. Keep Trying.
Good words to Remember –
- I’ve learned . . . that being kind is more important than being right.
- I’ve learned . . . that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
- I’ve learned . . . that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow you may have to eat them.
- I’ve learned . . . that I can’t choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do.
Have a Blessed Week!
– omolola ezeifeoma
| In recent times God has blessed me with the opportunity of nurturing a child. I have been opportune to watch him grow from one stage to another. As I watch him transform before my eyes, I learn truths about life.
These truths have changed my perspective to life; they have helped me become a better person in recent times.
I have learnt…. I have learnt my marriage will not achieve some expected milestones at same time with others but we will eventually get there. I have learnt that, it’s not about the rate of growth but the quality of growth. I have learnt that the rating of the health of a marriage is not superficial. I have learnt that the more time I give to my marriage/relationship the better the quality. Every stage is but for a moment, enjoy it while it last. For every stage in life there is a challenge which will help you achieve a milestone. Each Milestone achieved will be useful in the next stage to come. God will not give you anything just because you want them but because you need them.
My Resolve I have decided to see my relationship with my husband as a child I am nurturing. I have decided to see our high and low moments as precious moments to be relished because once that moment is gone, it might never come back like that again.
Childhood is a period of life that comes with lots of privileges, pampering and all. Adulthood takes away a lot of privileges, pampering and replaces them with responsibilities, it demands the use of skills gathered along the way. Every stage in life is temporal, it is a moment that will pass, be careful how you handle it.
Interesting statements about marriage I’ve learnt to overlook many things, correct as many as I can, and fix what is left myself.
– omolola ezeifeoma |
| Some years back during the valentine season, my sister watched a very interesting couple on TV, being very impressed by their lives; she decided to tape the program. Last Saturday she came to my house with some interesting news – the beautiful couple were going through a divorce!
No! This is too much, some weeks ago it was two ministers of God that were in a wife batter situation and now this! I am actually short of words. I was going to talk about one of these two incidents last week but I chose to be mute about it and just ask close friends to pray about the situation.
With the turn of things and how it affected me, I know its time to bring it on and talk about it through this medium.
It is really sad to find that two couples who have talked about marriage extensively are going to end their marriage but you know what, the beauty of God’s word is that it is settled; it needs no human validation or test. The fact that these couple are going for divorce the second time in their lives does not mean the Gospel is not true. No, it remains TRUE! But it sure tells all we book lovers to go back to the scriptures to find answers rather than go through book shelves looking for answers. I know it has gotten so bad these days that we Christians no longer read their Bibles because there’s a book on every topic on the book shelf. This is a wake up call to all ye book lovers to take a chill pill and go back to the Book of books. It gives instructions for the perfecting of the saints.
All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable fordoctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works. 2 Timothy 3:16-17
Doctrine Follow link to get definition of the word.
Reproof Strong Concordance describes it as to tell a fault, rebuke, reprove.
Correction Strong Concordance describes it as a straightening up again, rectification. Instruction Strong Concordance describes it as tutorage, that is, education or training; by implication disciplinary correction: – chastening, chastisement, instruction, nurture. Perfect, Strong Concordance describes it as Fresh, that is, (by implication) complete. Thoroughly furnished Strong Concordance describes it as to finish out (time); figuratively to equip fully (a teacher.
I purposely left out any form of explanation; I want to encourage us to take time out to figure what this passage is saying and how it applies to your life especially your marriage. Have a great time finding God’s Purpose. God Bless You
Love Omolola |
And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them and said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. Mat 18:2-5
Sometime ago I asked children in my Sunday school class the question, “how many of you tell lies?” In response I got several hands up. These ones didn’t care who was watching them or what the person felt, they were just being honest.
In the Bible passage above Jesus is teaching us a great lesson we need to live by. You need to be converted and live like children again to enter the Kingdom of God.
What is the kingdom of God about? It’s about a domain where God’s rules reign and as a result His Peace, Joy, Love, and Righteousness abound such place. If we are going make our marriage a prototype of God’s kingdom then we need to be converted.
In children’s world except for now that adults are beginning to negatively influence this pure ones, there is innocence, truthfulness, no malice, self expression, trust.
Have you lost your pure thoughts about your marriage?
What are you keeping from your spouse?
What is that hurt, you keep in your heart?
What are those words you have left unsaid to one another?
Who are you looking out to impress at the expense of your marriage?
Humble yourself like the little child and let God lift you up.
It is well with your relationship in Jesus Name.
Shalom
omolola ezeifeoma