Hello My Dear Reader,
I have a question for you, what kind of marriage do (or did) you plan to have? If you are married now let me ask, are you anywhere near what you planned for? If you are not married yet, does the future look like you would have your dream marriage?
Recently I was speaking to a friend who will be marrying soon, and I asked this question. The reply went like this – “a marriage where husband and wife are united and very much in love with one another and God. A beautiful family, Heaven on earth, living Happily Ever After! A home that exudes the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, goodness, gentleness, faith, Meekness, temperance). A home I can run to at the end of a bad day and feel relief the minute I walk in through the door”.
All these are beautiful things that we have a right to, but like every other thing in life there is a price for it.
We deserve a fulfilled marriage and more because of God’s word concerning marriage. We know the word of God is true and can never return void.
God looked at Adam saw a vacuum that needed to be filled, He created Eve and presented her to Adam as his companion for life.
Bible lets us know that
Two are better than one because the have good reward for their Labour
Ecc 4:9
Marriage is Honourable in all and the bed undefiled Heb 13:4
Whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord Prov18:22
… if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven Mat 18:19
Are you married and loosing hope on your marriage?
Are you yet to be married and wondering when it will be?
My word to you today is this, don’t loose hope, keep praying and working hard. God is faithful to His word, He will do that which He has promised. Keep doing your part of the bargain. God is faithful!
Remember the Scripture that says after you have received the promise you need patience. Keep at it, it will soon materialize before your eyes to the Glory of God.
Love
omolola ezeifeoma
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 14:17 NLT
Be patient in trouble and always be prayerful. Romans 12:26 NLY
I once heard the story of a man who gave his son a puzzle to solve. He disarranged a world map puzzle and gave his son to arrange it back because he was disturbing his meditation. Unknown to him, at the back of the world map puzzle was the picture of a man. The boy did not waste time arranging it back and this surprised the father greatly. He asked the little boy how he did it and his response was “If the man is right, the world would be right”.
When problems arise in your marriage and everything seems to be in disarray, and you are considering where to start from, remember what that little boy said – “If the man is right, the world would be right”. The solution could just be you. How do I mean? When you act right or decide to put things right in your own life, it influences a change in your partner thereby making your marriage right. Let the change in your marriage or relationship start from you. You don’t have to wait for your spouse to change first. Be an actor of love and not only a ‘reactor’. Take time to pray about the problems and situations you are going through, committing your spouse to God. I am confident that He would make a way out for you. One thing I found out about prayer is that it changes you first. So let your prayers change you for your situation to become right. Allow God to work in your life and your spouses’. Let your actions be commensurate to your prayers. Pray for a change and expect a change.
At times, the solution may be a change in character or habit. Majority of problems in homes are caused by character and habit differences. For instance, a dirty wife with a shabby dress sense and unsubmissive attitude has gracefully invited problems into her home. Such a woman would be wasting her time if she goes 40days fasting and prayer because of the problem. All she needs to do is to change her ways first. Check your life first; it could be your spending habits, nagging attitude, pride, anger, culinary skills, nonchalant attitude…
What are those things you need to do away with? Let the change start from you, be determined to win your spouse back with love and humility. Pray to God, learn of Him and let Him work on your character. God wants to dry away your tears, heal your heart and relieve you of your pains, only just allow Him to perfect His work in you, remoulding your character. For when He changes you, it influences your partner to change, normalcy returns and then your heart is filled with joy. I Peter 3:1 sets the tone – Wives, in a similar way, place yourselves under your husbands’ authority. Some husbands may not obey God’s word. Their wives could win these men for Christ by the way they live without saying anything.
After the change has come, remember to always succeed in your marriage everyday.
busola oshinubi
Love never gives up, never looses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 14: 7 (NLT)
Perhaps you are at the crossroad about to make a decision; Quit or endure? You are facing a lot of problems in your marriage that is getting you hardened by the day. You have probably exerted efforts to make your marriage work instead, it is growing worse. Love has turned sour; seeing your partner irritates you. Uhm … You say marriage is not a bed of roses.
I can understand how you feel. Marriage may not be a bed of roses to you but even if it were so, the rose plants I know have thorns in their stem. Sometimes you may get a small ‘sting’ while trying to pick the roses. Marriage may not fit exactly like what we were being told in the fairy tales “and they lived happily ever after”. It usually comes with very big challenges. Before you make your decision to quit, I would like to remind you that God is so much more interested in your situation and He wants a turn around for you so that you may enjoy the blessedness of marriage. Like the phrase, “it’s not over until it is over”, I know your innermost desire is to see a turn around in your marriage.
Consider this: The way you respond to life determines what you get from it – Gal 6:7. Your attitude affects a lot of things and as you truly desire a change, be positive in your mind. Don’t base your marriage on feelings because they can be very deceptive rather let it be based on choice; the choice to always stick together; choice to love no matter what. See those problems as a challenges; a challenge to love better, to be more patient; to learn. When you see problems as a challenge, you have already laid a foundation for change and for the solution. Challenges are meant to make you better. It works when you are positive in your mind about your situation, believing that turbulent times will pass away. No matter the situation, make a decision today that you will win your spouse back to love.
Have you ever considered why a larva has to go through a lot of struggle in the cocoons to become a beautiful butterfly? Of course to get rid of the ugly part. If the Larva had refused to see the cocoon as a challenge and decides to react negatively, it would die as a larva.
Regardless of the situation, be positive in your mind, don’t give up in Love. Be determined to win your partner back. Then you will enjoy the blessedness in marriage. You will begin to succeed everyday in your marriage.
– busola oshinubi
Let me start by saying a big thank you to Titi and Suzan for their comments. I am really happy the last message has been a blessing to you.
Last time we started talking about Unequal Yoking. I will like to continue from where I stopped.
Imagine you have two people who want to carry a long table and one of them is a six footer, while the other is a three footer. You can imagine what the two parties will go through carrying the table because they are not of the same height.
The truth of the matter is that you might never find two people of same height but then there’s a need to get someone who is within the same range. To say I am looking for someone just like me with same family background, tribe, church, school, experiences blah blah blah will not just be realistic. Nevertheless, there must be some equality especially spiritually. What Bible says is “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers”. God expects the core of our being to come from our spirituality. As Christians, our whole life should revolve around our relationship with God. I don’t know if you are like me but nothing works around me when I am not in tune with God. And from experience I know that in marriage you will do yourself a lot of good by marrying someone you share core spiritual beliefs with.
You can appear to be unequally yoked with a fellow believer, not because of the difference in your denominations but in your beliefs. Take for example one party believes in speaking in tongues and the other does not, one believes you should guard your heart with all diligence and that affects music, movies and all, while the other party does not think so. I could go on and on.
For a single reading this article, I think this is a time for you to identify your core values as they will help you in choosing your spouse. Identify what you can live with and what you cannot.
Many Christians take for granted the fact that a person’s background can have serious influence on the life of such person and your marriage. Please don’t get me wrong, I know we do not have the opportunity to choose our background (that is our family) and it should not be held against a person, nevertheless, I believe you should have an idea of what you are going in for and choose to accept or reject it.
Take for example the story of Dipo who is in a Christan relationship with Kenny who has promiscuous sisters. Kenny is a good girl alright but she doesn’t have good influence from her family members and these people are not people Dipo can yank out of her life. Dipo will have to go ahead bearing the fact that he will have to deal with this people directly or indirectly, at the same time Kenny can convince Dipo that her family will not influence their marriage in any way.
Many Christians have missed this fact. Remember Abraham told his servant to go back to his father’s house to go and look for a wife for his son. He took this so seriously that he asked that his servant swear to him.
May be you are married and reading this and somehow you realize you and your spouse seem to be unequally yoked in many ways, all hope is not lost. While going through marriage counseling before marriage, we shared a prayer “Lord help me to accept the things I cannot change and also gracefully change the things I can”. Always pray about those things that really bother you about your spouse and be very patient. Cover up your spouse deficiencies and be strong.
Here is the bottom line, you will never find two people of same spirituality, values, background etc but then similarities must out number differences especially Spiritual similarities.
God bless you as you seek to do His will beyond yours!
Love,
– omolola ezeifeoma
| Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as dove. Mat 10:16
He that diggeth a pit shall fall into it; and whoso breaketh a hedge, a serpent shall bite him Ecc 10:8.
There’s a burden that I have carried for a while now about Christian relationships, because of a trend I have noticed. In recent times I have seen quite a number of Christian relationships break up. And this trend really bugs me and makes me wonder why? So many questions come to mind. I ask myself what did they do or didn’t do? Is it that God isn’t speaking any more? What exactly is happening to us? I think there is something we are not really getting right about Christianity and Relationships. I have found that in some cases the problem is that either or both parties are too carnal or appear to be too spiritual about issues. I have heard it being said many times even by Christians, that when it comes to relationships, there’s nothing spiritual about it. But you know what; in my life I have found this to be false. I have come to realize that not heeding to God’s word really is the problem we face.
Let me share this story with you. Sade is a nice Christian girl. She went for a Christian program recently and she met Jade a brother there. After the program, addresses were exchanged and both parties kept contact. Soon Sade realized that Jade was into pornography and porn wasn’t a torn in the flesh he was dealing with, but a lifestyle he enjoyed. The friendship was maintained and soon Jade began to ask Sade to marry him. Sade was confused; she didn’t know what to do. Somehow she’s been emotionally attached to this guy and now with all the new discoveries, she’s confused.
Let me stop here so we can analyse this together. Sade didn’t do anything wrong by meeting a brother at a Christian gathering and exchanging details, keeping in touch wasn’t wrong either. But when she found out that this so called brother was into Porn and enjoying every bit of it without any form of remorse, what should she have done? How did she get friendly enough for this bro to be asking her hand in marriage and to top it all, how did she get emotionally attached to an unbeliever? In the first few articles I posted on this site, we talked about love, if you haven’t read it, I think you should because it will help you understand me better. How come Sade did not take to her heels when she found out about Jade’s Porn troubles? Didn’t it tell her that Jade wasn’t so much of a Christian as he claimed? Another question is how come Sade a Christian babe could be attracted to a sinner man? The truth is that someone reading this article will be quick to say Sade was not a Christian in the first place but you know what, when you meet Sade you’ll admire her Christianity.
Lets say Sade was trying to help him be a Christian, good but did she forget that passage where Paul said “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted”. The latter part of that passage is what Sade forgot to take note of. The first part stuck so much. That takes me back to the two passages I started with where Jesus explained our situation to us. We are sheep amongst wolves; we should be cautious with unbelievers because we are not of this world. We need to be wiser than the serpent himself (the devil). He knows no matter how spiritual we might claim to be we are human and he is just looking for that little space to creep in.
Sometime ago I was in my room and God just gave me the opportunity to see what the danger of breaking the edge is. Because of the snakes nature he needs only a little space to be able to get through a hole. It is able to cunningly squeeze itself through a little space to get to the other side. So God began to show me how I have let the enemy have space in my marriage. You may have fallen into the same mistakes too at one point or the other in your life. He showed me how I gave the devil space by allowing arguments to drag for so long? How I try to absolve myself from any mistake in our marriage? How I see myself as the perfect person when I have issues of my own? How I allowed the devil toy with my mind, explaining my husband thoughts to me? And so on. I could go on and on.
You know what? I think you should meditate a little on these things, especially the scriptures and see how they affect you. We do experience similar issues here or there Remember the only way to keep our way pure is by heeding to God’s word. See you soon.
Love omolola ezeifeoma |
When my husband and I were courting, one of our fathers in the Lord told us to write on the place of prayer in marriage. While thinking of what to write for this week I remembered the essay we wrote then and this is what inspired what I want to share with you this week.
Let me start with the lyrics of a song I am sure most believers sang in Sunday school or church at one time or the other.
Prayer is the key 2x
Prayer is the master key
Jesus started with prayer and ended with prayer
Prayer is the master key
The place of prayer in all we do in life cannot be overemphasized especially in marriage. We need to pray always and not faint. Bible says we should PRAY without ceasing, and also Watch and PRAY. Be anxious for nothing but in everything by PRAYER and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God (Phil 4:6).
And when he had taken the book, the four beasts and twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb, having every one of them harps, and golden vials full of odours, which are the prayer of the saints (Rev 5:8).
Prayer from the lips of a believer is like a sweet smelling savour, it goes before God as such and the result is a wonder on earth, No wonder the Word of the God tells us the prayer of the sinner is an abomination to God.
Like a master key that opens any door, Prayer opens several doors in marriage. In the place of prayer several battles are won, situations are resolved, hearts of stone become flesh, aching hearts are soothed, wounds are healed, storms are stilled. I could go on and on about what prayer can do in a marriage.
When I wrote my essay on prayer in marriage, I did so without a complete understanding or any experience of marriage. Today I still maintain that I know little but I have practically used the master key to open several doors in my marriage. So like Paul said I share with you that which I have handled.
We need to pray always – giving thanks and making supplications to God. When you are faced with something stormy, go to the one who slept in a storm. When your heart is aching, speak to the one who appreciates a broken heart, He’s the one who went through more betrayals than we could ever experience. When it seems like a wall is coming between you and your partner speak to the one who brought down the walls of Jericho. When your situation is like a maze and you feel lost, call out to the omnipresent one who sees everything and is everywhere, there’s no spot on earth He does not knows. We have a High Priest who can appreciate all we go through.
Stop fighting battles, you’re not meant to fight, give yourself the opportunity of experiencing the passage that says “Be Still and Know that I am God!” After you have prayed, do not worry, have faith that God is able to do all things. God said “Man shall leave mother and father and cleave to his wife” He knows all that is involved in your becoming one and He is not planning to start a thing and not complete it, it is not in His nature.
-lola ezeifeoma
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. – Ecclesiastes 4:12b
As I was trying to round up on the last post on ‘Careful what you believe’, I noticed this part of our text, a cord of three strands. I meditated on what God was trying to tell me here. It’s wonderful what I re-discovered. ‘Wonderful’ because I never saw things this way before and ‘rediscovered’ because God had once told me this same thing before I got married.
This word is necessary for every one in a marriage or courtship. Being from the kind of background I came from, I worried about the success of my marriage, I especially prayed that my husband would never cheat on me. One day God in the cool of the day like of old, told me that my husband’s faithfulness to me was tied to his (that is my husband’s) faithfulness to Him (God). That became my peace, but you know what, I didn’t hold on to the word like I should have. I hope someone yet to marry will do better than me. Thank God my husband has been a good one despite my attitude.
So what has this word got to do with the text, ‘A cord of three Strands’? What or who makes up these three strands? In marriage counseling, people are advised not to share what happens in their marriage with anyone. But you know what, there’s one person every detail should be shared with, this is the third person who will make your marriage unbreakable and really blissful.
He alone has the best advice for every situation that may come up. He has the right words you need to say to seem like the best partner you are not anyway. Individually you can go share secrets with Him and as a couple you can go to him. He is always there.
Every time you spend time together or individually with him, strength, hope, peace is renewed, fears are also taken care of. This person is no one but God himself. As a couple and individually you need to seek God. You need to have both individual and corporate altars. Share the word of God, pray to God and serve God together. This is very essential, remember the scripture says “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things shall be added on to you“. Note that these things there referred to clothing, shelter … which represent the things we worry about. I translate this scripture to mean that as we seek God’s Kingdom together we make God the third Person and all our worries are taken care of.
Seek Him more. To the man, I say take it upon you to build the altar and to the woman, I say be a worthy helper. Any married person will agree that it really takes commitment on the part of husband and wife to establish an altar after marriage. You will both be very busy and tired considering the world we live in today; at this point we need to choose to either live by our convictions or convenience.
God help us all as we work to attain this.
Love you
omolola ezeifeoma.
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
I don’t know why I’m writing or talking about this, this week but I know one thing is for sure, God wants to put an end to the lies that have been going on in someone’s mind.
In Relationships, especially marriage relationship we often experience one storm or the other. Sometimes this might be little things which we make a big deal of (most times because we don’t have challenges).
Sometime ago, my husband told me this “I don’t have any major issues with you, it’s just this little ones that keep appearing here and there”.
And you know what if I can be sincere with you, this so called little things drive me to the edge at times. Is it because they are just little in his eyes and larger in mine, No! It is because I allow the devil taunt me, I listen to the voices in my head and they push me further and further away. I’m sure a man reading this will say it’s a feminine thing. No it’s not! Sometimes the reason we over react and have a fight is this. It happens to both men and women.
The devil’s strategy from the beginning of time hasn’t changed. See Gen. 3:1-5. I find this passage very interesting because it’s the first illustration in the Bible that shows us this strategy and secondly it happened in a family setting. And this had an eternal consequence which you and I bear today.
It was the first family, Dad had gone to work as usual leaving mum around at home to tend to things. Sure dad passed an instruction to mum, the master said “do not go near the tree” but then the enemy came drawing mum’s attention once more to the tree (Gen3:1-8) of course naturally she refuses because she has instructions not to go near the tree. But the devil persisted, explaining the details of the effect of action though an half truth which is equally a lie. And just as we Christians behave these days, Eve had a second thought and in her mind she said “It’s not really bad after all”. Before we knew it Eve had eaten the fruit and taken it to Adam and all creation had fallen.
The devil’s greatest weapon which he uses to drag us down is the power to convince us to see things his way. He pushes us to doubt, fear, regret our decision to go into our relationship/marriage just because of a present challenge.
I believe this is a word for now for some. Never give up, especially to the married ones, refuse the enemy’s word.
Believe what God says concerning marriage, this is the only TRUTH that matters.
God bless you.
– lola ezeifeoma
I’m sure if we continued, we could go on and on about Love because of its nature. But I will like to round up what we started, so we can move on to other things.
My desire is that after we’re through here we can say “I Love You” with a proper understanding of what we say. Remember the Scriptures say “By Understanding a house is established”. Everyone needs to act with understanding, it’s the greatest key to life.
Everyday I get to experience the different sides to love. I have found that Love grows when it is nourished properly. For love to grow some basic nutrients like Patience, Forgiveness, Appreciation, Faithfulness, Honesty, Care, Understanding, Trust and even more, needs to be continuously added. For a relationship to grow in love, these things need to abound. For love to grow, appreciation of one another even as weaknesses begin to show is very important. I have found that the closer a couple get, the more they see each other’s weakness and the more they see this, there is a need to pause and remember the goodies of the relationship. Appreciate your partner for the good person he or she is despite the many weaknesses you see and try to speak the truth in love about the other short comings you see.
Forgiveness after every argument is very important. Every argument is like a time of breaking bottles/glass and you know what happens with bottles. When you don’t clean properly, you find little bits of the pieces here and there causing harm later. To build a successful Love relationship that will go to the next level, you need to forgive and forgive and forgive. Take care of your hurts, and don’t hold grudges. Whenever you find the next piece of bottle, sweep it off like the rest, don’t allow it to cause any havoc.
Everyone needs and desires to be cared for. There’s that person in everyone that calls for attention. Most of us seek this care in our love relationship. It gets really disappointing when we don’t find it and when we find it we call it Heaven.
Honesty is very important to sustain a love in relationship, when a party begins to doubt the other person, a break down is almost inevitable. There must be absolute trust. This solves a lot of problems before they arise. It helps love to believe all things.
Faithfulness is also very key in a love relationship. Both parties need to be committed to the relationship. Never give room for distractions. I have found out that distraction come the minute you decide to settle in a relationship. Then all the Romeos and Juliets surface, just when you decided to start your relationship. Your commitment and integrity will be your stay in days like this. You need to get to understand its not just about how you feel alone. It’s also about the sense in how you feel and how right is what you feel. Love is not just a heart thing but a head thing.
Trust comes when the other partner sees day by day your honesty andfaithfulness.
Trust is earned when you don’t leave your partner in the dark. In love you should be an open book.
You need to display Understanding of your partner especially in the way you react at the display of his or her weakness. You need to cover up for one another and make up for each other’s deficiencies. Remember the story of Abigail how she rose up to clear her husband’s mess (I Samuel 25:14-37) and also Zipporah Moses’ wife when God was about to strike against them (Exodus 4:24-25).
You can never have enough patience, each day you need to increase in patience. Patience is a precious virtue you can’t have too much of. Bible says “For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise …” (Heb 10:35). Even after you have done all that God requires of you in a relationship, the effect or result is not automatic. You need to patiently wait to see the change in your partner while prayerfully doing what is right.
Finally, Love is not all soft; there is a tough side to it. Love must be firm too! Sometimes in a Love relationship you need to make some decisions that might seem harsh or even difficult in order to correct a wrong that has been done. You need to understand that as much as Love believes all things and forgives all things, you must be wise and check out the fact. It doesn’t make you gullible.
Always pray that God will teach you each day to Love more. Let us love people around us. Make love a lifestyle. You will find that it will make you a better person.
Some Quotes on Love
Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience.
- Scott Peck, O Magazine, February 2004
The first duty of love is to listen.
Paul Tillich (1886 – 1965), O Magazine
– lola ezeifeoma
| “Greater love has no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends”
I must confess that love involves having strong emotional feelings for a person and I am sure everyone appreciates this side of Love. But then it is very insufficient to say Love is only a strong emotional feeling, considering the fact that this feeling is not always there. Sometimes we are hurt deeply by the one we love and at such times the feeling is not that so called strong emotional feeling. In situations like that, do we withdraw and say I don’t love you anymore? No! Love goes beyond how we feel.
Sometimes Love is about forgetting about ourselves. Love does not seek its own. It’s about laying down one’s lives, denying one’s self pleasures, delaying pursing personal dreams and even more for the one we say we love. Laying down our lives sometimes is forsaking the hurt we feel to give way for forgiveness, in order to have the pleasure of that strong emotion again. I have even found that when we say we love a person and indeed if we love a person, we always seek restoration whenever there is a fall out.
Another very important side to loving a person is understanding that the other person is not perfect hence perfection is not to be expected. The Bible confirms the fact that we know in parts, hence whatever knowledge of the other person which led to our feelings for him or her is incomplete and one sided, sooner than later the weaknesses will begin to show. I remember something God dropped in my mind while I was courting my husband; God made me realize that He (my husband to be then) would not always do things right and in fact would make mistakes but I had to stick to him always. I think I needed to be told that by God Himself because I always expected so much from people. I am sure everyone needs to know this. Loving a person is accepting the other person through and through. Love seeks to correct wrong, that is why it does not rejoice in unrighteousness. Whenever we discover the shortcomings in our loved ones the right attitude is to seek for means to correct such. It is not an opportunity to feel better than the other person. Love is not about scoring points. I believe love is primarily a choice and only sometimes a feeling. If you want to feel love, choose to love and be patient. – Real Live Preacher, RealLivePreacher.com
I’ll leave you with this saying for this week. See you next with more on love. Love you!
– lola ezeifeoma |