Lesson #5 –Sow in your wife what you want to reap in your life.
We were wrapping up our Christ Lifeline May 2013 leaders meeting when I informed the team that I planned to write this series on 10 leadership lessons in 10 years. Pastor Gabriel Ajibade immediately said – “Sounds good. I hope one of the lessons will discuss the importance of having a very good and supportive wife like yours?” There were chimes of “yes” and some nods across the room. I took a surreptitious look at my wife and then I asked with a negative tone – what gives us the impression that I have a supportive wife? I could imagine her thinking – “do you mean I am not supportive?” Pastor Gabriel then said reassuringly – “well, I think from all I can see, she has been very supportive.” At this juncture, I had to come into agreement with Pastor Gabriel and also say a few words on how wonderful my wife has been – and still is! When I turned to look at my wife this time, she was beaming with smiles.
Before I got married, a man once told me that woman means “the woe of a man”, but I believe that is one of the greatest lies ever told. Contrary to this man’s statement, I dare say: if thou shall succeed in life and ministry, never underestimate the importance of women, especially thy own. The bible admonishes us in Ephesians 5:28 (CEV) that “a husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself. A husband who loves his wife shows he loves himself.” The reason is simple – in the mind of God, a man is one flesh with his wife. They are so joined together that whatever he does to her, he does to himself directly. Our wives can be likened to the stomach and digestive system in the body; the food you feed it doesn’t remain there but gets broken down and circulated to the entire body. In like manner, whatever you sow in your wife (good or bad) will soon get ‘circulated’ to you. That is why I like The Message translation of Ephesians 5:28 which reads – “And that is how husbands ought to love their wives.They’re really doing themselves a favour—since they’re already “one” in marriage.”
Beloved brothers, we are so connected to our wives such that “whatever we type on their keyboard appears on our own screen”. If we make them unhappy, we end up unhappy. If we make them fulfilled and productive, we end up getting excellent results. Whatever we sow in our wives, we reap in our lives (Galatians 6:7, Ephesians 5:31). Sometimes I think that any man that downplays the importance of having and caring for a good wife is operating at a lower level of intelligence. The devil’s trap is to make us see women as complicated and unimportant as possible, because he knows how pivotal they are to our destiny. I once saw a picture that tried to depict the Manual of Understanding Women – Volume 1 as containing millions of pages. But I see that as the devil’s trap, and believe a ‘one pager’ manual would do for a man that has the mind of Christ. Stop listening to the devil’s description of a woman; follow the Word!
I have heard many men complain that women seek too much attention. Some even ask how I am able to find time for my wife despite my very busy schedule. Well I don’t know the exact estimate of time a woman needs daily, but I know that they begin to feel you are not there for them if they are unable to share that pressing issue on their minds or the latest “gist of the day” because they love to communicate. The conversation may seem to start with complaints, but over time they will glide into sharing ideas. Therefore, giving a regular listening ear and sharing your thoughts (if necessary) about what they have to say with a lot of encouragement where necessary, may be a very key aspect of satisfying their need. I cannot be prescriptive as to what amount of time to share on this but the importance of doing this daily (until it comes naturally) cannot be overemphasized. A man should also strive to meet his wife’s need spiritually, emotionally, sexually and physically, or communicate effectively if (and why) you will be falling short in any aspect for some time.
I’m aware there are many women in leadership positions and I do encourage it, but I’m inspired to focus on men on this write-up. Men should do themselves a favour by providing leadership in the home and bringing out the best in their wives. I have also realised that intelligent wives also avoid provoking their husbands to sow the wrong seeds even when they are angry, because they know that if things don’t augur well for him, it will definitely rub off on them directly or indirectly. As leaders, this is an area where we must daily strive to see that we are not found wanting. 1 Timothy 3:1-2 (MSG) says “If anyone wants to provide leadership in the church, good! But there are preconditions: A leader must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife …”
– Tope S. Aladenusi
